Beauty and the Beast

Manicures , shopping sprees, and was that a facial you got the last week? Applying face talc? Is that sunscreen on your six-pack? Are you trying your girlfriend’s eye-lash curler or hair iron when she’s in the bathroom? Are you metro-sexual?

You are if you do a few or all of these things.

  1. You have to run your fingers through your hair every time you look in a mirror.
  2. You might not know how to fix your girlfriend’s broken fridge, but you do know how many calories she’s got in there.
  3. You judge people based on their fashion choices.
  4. You know the lyrics of a Taylor Swift song, and not just the chorus.
  5. You treasure your hair gel.

Every guy worries that his beastly demeanor might get washed up when the beauty products kick in.

For instance, I met a friend for brunch last week. I wanted to go out for a cheese burger. But he said, ‘Let’s go to brunch, I’d like a garden salad today.’ I swallowed a giggle and hung up the phone. We decided to meet at a bistro, and when I got there, I felt like a pig at a barn. He was all dressed, suede jacket, aviators, highlights on his hair and loafers on his feet. Something was definitely upside down. This was the same friend who always told me I spend too much time on my appearance, I give too much detail to my hair and so on.

By the time we ordered, he knew I was iffy. Before I addressed the elephant in the room, he spoke.

“Ashi, I’ve been on three job interviews and almost eight dates in the last one month. The interviewers complained that I was unkempt and the ladies complained that I seemed uninterested. Two years ago, rugged, shabby men  were the most sought after. We were the cool dudes who never gave a damn. And that added to our charm. Now, being rugged means, do your hair in ‘messy side-swept undercut spikes’ (*gasp* yep, that’s a name for a men’s haircut ) and dressing up is a whole other level.

Even if you want to live a carefree life, this world won’t let you. As much as men like to drown in greasy food and video games, I’d like to tell them, ‘stop dreaming, start lifting’. Gone are the days when we could be the best at what we do and grow a pot belly. Every woman and every job description now asks for someone who cares about their appearance, someone presentable.

No doubt, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. But what if the beholder is looking for straight cut ties, eight pack abs, and hair sprays? If you see two people at a party, you’ll obviously approach the better looking one. That’s the first step. Nobody has time to look into your soul right away. And a little garnishing never hurt, no?”

When he paused to take a sip of water, I was only thinking, have women driven men to this frenzy? Or is it a good thing after all? Remember when, if you saw a guy with compact, you’d call him gay? Ha-ha.

Women have become so overbearing off-late, that men have started to think and act like women. This is a good thing in many ways. A little beauty for the beast. As I waved goodbye and called a cab, I saw him apply sunscreen. I also noticed two girls walk past him, judgmental and all.

That’s when I realized,

Behind every successful man, is a woman rolling her eyes.

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